I’m in repair. I’m not together, but I’m getting there…

This blog was supposed to be more about my culinary adventures, but that took a turn when I got sick this summer.  After spending 6 days in the hospital with my Mom who was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and taking care of her at home and getting her back into her normal routine now that she is on blood thinners, I started suffering from gallbladder attacks.  I’ve had some painful things happen to me in my life but this felt like I was getting stabbed from the inside of my ribs.  I have a detailed story in my last post.

Long story, long.  I had my surgery on September 12th and it’s been a little over a month since then.  The recovery was slow and painful — I had a total of 9 stitches on my abdomen and got a cold right after the surgery.  So, imagine sniffling and coughing with 9 stitches on your belly — it sucked. Around the end of the second week back I started to feel better but as of today most of my stitches had not fallen off so I had to have them pulled and cut by hand today.  Along with other exams that were too painful to get through, today has been a painful day.

I’ve been through medical trauma before and it never gets easier.  Today, I just wanted to get through them but I couldn’t which sucks because eventually I will have to, but for tonight I just want to listen to Continuum a few times before I fall asleep.  I have another round of antibiotics start tomorrow.  So, hopefully that will help and bring me closer to feeling healthy.

The upside of today?  I am officially in the 160’s.  I now weigh 169.4lbs and my all-time heaviest was 248lbs back in 2009.  I have officially lost 56lbs this year!  This is a bittersweet victory but a victory nonetheless, right?  When friends and family ask why I’m not happier about it all I can say is that I am but until I have a clean bill of health I can’t really enjoy it.  My clothes fit better and I *want* to think about having that moment in a fitting room when I finally try on a pair of jeans that’s not a size 18, but when you work hard, eat clean, bust your ass and you land in the hospital because of gallbladder filled with stones or have medical exams that leave you in tears — you can’t enjoy weight-loss. I want to.  I’m not being dramatic.  Who wouldn’t want to enjoy it?  I just want to be healthy from the inside and outside…that’s all.

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